So Far: My Art from 2006 to 2008
 
I want to stick with what I know, so this paper is more about looking back than projecting ahead. Looking back, I characterize the work I've done over the past two years as a biblical flood of personal proportions, initiated by the thundercrack of She Plays With Her Self. This installation in the A&C gallery at JFKU University, consisting of large-scale paper cut-outs and papier-mâché objects, relied heavily on spectacle and theatricality for its effect, which was to overwhelm and dominate the viewer with my power to create art and destroy myself. With only slightly more subtlety, I continued along this trajectory until just a couple months ago, when I realized I had at last succeeded. What's next will be for the next self to determine, so first let me explain how I died.

In the process of making the work for She Plays With Her Self, I found myself drawn more to the drop cloths and scraps than the already conceptualized work I was constructing. This attraction to cast-off paper and utterly unself-conscious swaths of stray brush-strokes informed the next phase of my work: maniacally executed drawings with collage and paint on found, torn, irregularly cut paper-whatever was at hand. Expressionistic and emotional, I made this work at the edges of order where opposing forces and emotions exist simultaneously: raw surfaces carried sophisticated drawings, muddy, dark house paint and luminous pink oil paint joined in formal cohesion, angst and humor, fury and tenderness, romance and cynicism supported rather than contradicted each other. About film footage of Jim Dine drawing madly on the gallery walls, Rebekah Rutkoff says: "...in the shots of him making wall drawings, you're watching an identity wonder if it has limits and finding out that the answer is: 'no.'" It was like that. 1

At times, I stopped relying on my visceral response to the materials at hand to guide my next move, and returned to working from a preconceived idea, often illustrating a visual pun, a play with language, a philosophical aphorism or an iconic image. In this more concept-driven mode of working, I made a collection of altered objects consisting mainly of written or drawn one-liner social or philosophical commentary on bits of cultural detritus I'd picked up-snapshots, thrift store paintings, magazine articles, faux stone linoleum, or objects of some cultural/historical significance such as Tibetan prayer flags or a print-out of Manet's Olympia. These pieces join in easily with my other work by virtue of the "drawn" text, subtle color harmonics, and anarchic sensibility.

I also made a few videos, which stylistically sync with the aesthetic I'd been developing in my object making. My attraction to immediate, raw materials, when translated into video, resulted in low resolution, quickly-made, hardly-edited, low-tech movies. As with my other work, this rawness was contained in a coherent narrative and cohesive formal structure, again reflecting oppositions such as the spontaneous and the considered, the childlike and the sophisticated, the horrific and the lighthearted.

I should mention that from before the beginning of the work I'm describing here, I was simultaneously creating hundreds of pages in my sketchbooks which traverse across diaristic documentation, theoretical exploration, philosophical pondering, violent emotional expression and mundane observation expressed in a sketchbook Esperanto of images and text. (A bound book of about 100 pages selected from these sketchbooks will available for viewing during my review.)
Somewhere in the midst of making drawings, writings, and videos, and working in my sketchbook, I drew some very small figures on the walls of very big rooms "standing" on the same floor as the viewer. These works recalled my interest in spacial contrasts between the tiny and the vast and in the personalizing effects of site-specificity explored in my show, She Plays With Her Self. However, this time the viewer was allowed to be the biggest thing in the room (besides the room itself, which is the big thing we are all in together.)

Most of the work just described-the works on paper and found objects, some of the papier-mâché sculpture, the drawings on the walls-benefitted from being presented in salon-style groupings. This mode of display created the opportunity for the works to reflect each other, contradict each other, and otherwise add up to a whole that was greater than the sum of its parts.

Most recently, I attempted to make some paintings on a series of four by four foot wood panels, with the intention that each piece would be able to contain the depth-that is, the revelation of meaning over time-that I had achieved by showing the previous work in clusters. Disturbed by my waning interest in my work, I thought that I needed to "go deeper" into myself in order to uncover a new wellspring of creativity. Overall, the entire endeavor was miserable and deadening, but worthwhile in that it proved to me that boredom, exhaustion, and lack of stimulation cannot be treated with more art-making. After two years of manic output, I think I just finally burned myself out.

I wonder also if the structure of a permanent, stable and "weighty" substrate such as a square wood panel was perhaps unable to translate my inner experience. Perhaps raw and irregular collections are necessary to reflect a state of fragmentation, constant motion, simultaneous emotions, and relational, perspectival and contextual meaning. I feel no shame in allowing Antonin Artaud's description of his drawings to speak for me as well:
"I have not tried to polish my work in them or my effects, but to show certain truths, linear and manifest, that apply as well in speech as in written sentences, graphics, and linear perspective. That's why several drawings are mixtures of poems and portraits, written remarks, plastic evocations of elements, materials, figures…These drawings must be accepted with their roughness and disorder. There's never been any attempt at art but at sincerity and spontaneity of line…Woe to he who considers them as works of art, as works of simulation, and the aesthetic of reality. None of them is, properly speaking, a work of art. I mean they are probes, thrusts into every channel of hazard, of possibility, of chance or destiny." 2

While my "whatever is at hand" philosophy for choosing materials was partly due to my need to free myself from the historical and psychological limitations that are so deeply embedded in "making art," it was also a means to perform an encounter with the material world that is fresh and unfettered by societal judgments. I appreciate litter along the shores of the bay for its surprising spots of color among the earth tones. By the same token, I like to see a passage of luminous oil paint on dirty, cheap paper or cast-off debris. By elevating junk linoleum to art status and reducing oil paint to junk status, status itself is rendered inert. Equalizing materials is a metaphor and an embodiment of the way I experience the world before the overlay of meaning, value and judgment descends. However, before I get too far into "philosophical intent," which is something of a falsehood, I want to relate an experience that deeply informed how I think about art, intention, and meaning:

About a year ago, I was running along a trail out in the woods, my mind working on my existential situation-that is, Why bother? What's the point? Why not just quit everything and take up quilting .Why not quit quilting? Is any of this really worth doing? Why not just, "end it all?"-when I happened upon a boom box sitting on the dirt in the middle of the trail. I stopped short, looked around, saw no one. So I bent down and pressed Play. What came out of the speakers was a recording of the sounds from the very place I was standing. I heard the same near and far bird calls, the same water noise from the creek that was, in real life, right next to me. The recorded sounds and the immediate sounds played out simultaneously. Through a simulation I was put in contact with the real. The presence of the person who made the recording was with me in the witnessing of this place, he in his time, me in mine, time converging in a shared experience. I squatted there for awhile, crying in gratitude for this experience and this person who had given me this gift of presence and witness. I spelled out the words "Hear, Hear" with some leaves, making a little textual Andy Goldsworthy piece next to the boom box. My mind had its answer: Art is the answer. Art is the reason. Art is the point. I ran on, and around the next bend encountered a man standing there in the middle of the trail, doing nothing. With the tears still in my eyes, I accosted him:

"Was that your boom box? Did you do that? Did you put that recording on the trail?"
He backed away from me a little. "Uh, yeah. I'm a birdwatcher. I use that to call to the birds."
"Oh… You mean you're not an artist? I thought it was an Art piece. It's not ART?"
"Um, no. I'm a birdwatcher. I'm just watching for birds."
"Oh… I thought it was an Art piece about… oh nevermind."

Once again I ran on. This time I was laughing, my big clunky answer annulled by the elegance of absurdity.

The point of this story is that Art is where you find it. The other point of this story is that my "intentions" and my art's "meaning" are actually quite unrelated when it comes before a viewer, (and I include myself as a viewer of my own work.) In fact, I have discovered that art-making happens best in the absence of intention. When art-making is a means to achieve anything, it becomes some other endeavor disguised as art-making. I used to think art-making was to distract myself from boredom. The problem here is that when art-making becomes boring, it is failing. Then I thought art-making would help me find myself, but I've learned that, too, is losing game. When you realize you are endless, you'll just as easily find yourself in an ant, a gas station or a novel. At another time I thought that art-making was about communication, until I realized that communication actually happens in the physical presence of the other, and requires the eyes, voice, body, and mind of more than one person. To expect my art to speak for me, to me, about me, or even to make it a gift (what if no one wants it?) is to make art utilitarian. I have learned through failure after failure of art-making to live up to its promises, that art is completely useless and therefore completely free.

William Wiley, husband of contemporary artist Mary Webster, says, "One of art's great values is that it has no value."3 In a production-oriented culture where even time is money, this non-intention becomes a subversive intention in itself. On an even more basic level, this empty approach to art-making is an embrace of the existential tension of action in spite or-or in response to-meaninglessness.

That is the cosmic view of things-the view through the distancing end of the binoculars-and a perspective that is never far from my awareness. Turn the binoculars around, and I have plenty of thoughts about what my art might mean and how its meaning relates to my ideas about the possible functions art might serve. Keep in mind though, that what I say about my art tells us more about me than it does about my art, and what you say about my art tells us more about you than it does about my art. My art just sits there, mute and pointless as ever, except to spark some conversation, which might be one of its points.

So the bird gets out of the cage. Where is he? He's in the house. So someone leaves a window open. He is out of the house! He can fly pretty much anywhere within the climatic range he's adapted to, all over North America probably. Maybe he builds up tolerance to extremes of temperature. He can fly anywhere! He can't get out of the atmosphere, though. He still needs oxygen and gravity. Without gravity and atmosphere I don't think the laws of physics would allow him to fly at all. So this is what I've been coming to all along… I want to be a comet, falling and burning.

I wrote this years ago and it continues to speak to my guiding desire: I intend in my life and in my art to be free-of the limitations of identity, culture, all that inhibits the free expression of my unique vitality. The story speaks also to the impossibility of ever achieving such freedom: without limitation, the meaning of freedom evaporates. This paradox is at the heart of my work even as I continue to move outward into more wide open cages. My ability to live with this paradox is what saves me from becoming the comet, falling and burning.

Cages take many forms, but I suspect they all begin with the same prima materia: power. Here is Foucault: "…the major enemy...is fascism…. And not only…the fascism of Hitler and Mussolini…but also the fascism in us all, in our heads and in our everyday behavior, the fascism that causes us to love power, to desire the very thing that dominates and exploits us." 4

Through art-making, I tracked my own desire for power while simultaneously undermining this desire by playing with the constructs that house this power: gender, language, art as cultural producer of meaning, cultural narratives, and the personal narrative of my own identity as it is shaped by all of the above. My single-minded and double-edged aim was both to pursue and subvert the fascism in myself. I hope the traces I left make it easier for others to join me in this project. If we can relate outside of these power structures, there is the possibility for a human connection based on authentic human desires rather than handed-down ideologies and media-created desires. Although my work is sometimes accused of being cynical or nihilistic, I am actually quite idealistic. What I'm cynical about are superficial prescriptions for cultural healing that never demand a rigorous investigation into the shadows of the self.

Power isolates humans from one another through fear of domination. (Dominators dominate not because they love power, but because they are afraid of not having any.) So, in my work I attempt to start conversations and create bonds centered around the great equalizing subjects: mortality (with all of its corollaries) and the mundane. I address these matters with a humor, ruefulness and self-revelation that make it easy to engage with the work and with one another about the things we all share: our desire for god, meaning, connection, our wonderment about the way our shampoo bottles miraculously get filled with water through the tiny hole in the flip spout. I personalize "the big questions" to make them less abstract and subject to ideological solutions and more available to inform the way we live and interact. I offer a dialectic rather than an answer; as soon as an answer is found, conversations end and wars begin. My work offers an open way of talking, thinking and feeling that gathers, rather than a system of belief that excludes.

Theodor Adorno, one of the Frankfurt school theorists, advanced the notion in 1966 that late capitalism had secured the conditions for its perpetual proliferation by successfully creating, through media and popular culture, a population driven by false needs and false desires for which the system could and would provide. Sexual desire is perhaps the most basic desire to be appropriated and sold back to us in a form that has little to do with its very real instinctual components: the need for love, connection, transcendence. I try to break the links between real desires and false promises as they are encoded in gender.

Historically, women's bodies are coded as vehicles for male transcendence. Without an actual female body around, pure corporeal male power á la Abstract Expressionism is explosive enough to break free of existential isolation. As post-modern girls who are well aware of the performative layer of our identities, we often experience ourselves as driverless vehicles circling around and around an empty spot where our bodies should be. This wild goose chase is an old track I try to interrupt through parodying and satirizing cultural constructions of masculinity and femininity as they are represented and performed by the body. For example, the ridiculous, protruding breasts that hang off the awkward bodies of my ubiquitous, naked female figures point to the absurdity of desiring a symbol. I don't think that people necessarily understand on a conscious level the cultural implications of my boob drawings, but I do think they short circuit the gaze for a moment, causing a subtle alert that maybe what you thought you wanted is not what you really want, or what you thought you wanted may not be found where you thought, or what you thought you were may not really be what you are. If my representation of the female seems vulgar, it is the vulgarity of idealization that I am expressing. If there is a whiff of misogyny in my work, I can only say that I am a product of my culture. Chris Kraus, writer and Semiotext(e) editor asks: "Why does everybody think that women are debasing themselves when we expose the conditions of our own debasement? Why do women always have to come off clean?"5

The gender construct consists not only of the represented body, but also a complex set of behaviors, gestures, and attitudes performed by people in real life. In my work I try to express my personal experience in the kind of detail that individualizes and humanizes my story, often in ways that subvert, contradict, ridicule or parody the performance of "femininity."

Chris Kraus, again: "I think the sheer fact of women talking, being, paradoxical, inexplicable, flip, self-destructive but above all else public is the most revolutionary thing in the world."6 I agree: very often work that presents a subjectivity not expressed within dominant culture is accused of being narcissistic. I suspect that this reading of the work points more to the narcissism of the viewer than the art. Instead of looking into the experience of the other, he searches for his own reflection, and not finding it, concludes the work is narcissistic when perhaps what he has really come face to face with is his own narcissism, unable to find meaning where he does not find his own reflection. I purposefully make my work highly self-revelatory without fear of being "too personal." The personal and the cultural are inextricable once you understand that repression and oppression are both means to control the subject. The only difference is the agent of control.

So I am all for telling it like I experience it, but in doing so, another layer of entrapment is quickly revealed: the language with which I so freely communicate is constructed by the same materials of the cage I just squirmed out of. Why does the phrase "getting fucked" mean losing power? I used that phrase in a piece, and the meaning of the entire narrative was tipped in a direction that was only true because of the gendered power dynamics embedded in the language. (This piece can be seen at www.catewhite.com/MartBartCheap/MARTBARTCHEAPmain.htm).

My desire to make language operate outside of its own limitations often pushes my visual art into the realm of writing. I don't presume that I have the ahistorical omniscience to lift the veil of language to reveal something I miraculously know, so I'm not interested in making work that is somehow supposed to leave language behind. Instead, I play with words, mixing meanings, splitting signs and signifiers, loosening language's hold on meaning, and remodeling Heidegger's "house of being."
Language is mutable. The meaning of the phrase "colored people" has changed since the 1950s and means something else to a child who doesn't yet know about racism. My work is rife with aphorisms that have the paradoxical ability to be both trite cliché and timeless truth depending on the viewers own psychological depth; after you've really looked everywhere, the proof really is in the pudding.

Word play is exhilarating in its power to take us to the edges of thought and identity. When language slips, belief, ideology, conditioning, Adorno's identity thinking, are all on shaky ground. I want the ground to shake just enough for us to realize that nothing is solid-a major biblical earthquake is probably unnecessary. We can't function without some stability and order and that is why, despite post-modern rhetoric, our cultural narratives remain intact.

Engaging these narratives-the Judeo-Christian religion, the art-historical and literary canons, new-age spirituality, etc.-is central to my work. Treating them as more "material at hand," I tease their authority with a mostly gentle humor, which acknowledges that these stories, as infected as they are, are an inevitable layer of our communal experience. If we don't believe in them, they can actually reveal some truth to us. I lovingly tease Jesus, not to piss anyone off, but to help humanize him. Like my play with language, I make room for a fresh, individualized interpretation that has the ability to retain a connection to the tribe while simultaneously allowing for more personal freedom.

In visual language, narratives are told through symbols. I began, back with She Plays With Her Self, to explore multiple permutations of related forms in order to disrupt the hegemony of a symbolic order, whether it's a micro symbolic order that I've initiated, or the cultural icons and symbols that represent our cultural narratives. I am a descendent of Bataille with his interchangeable eggs/testicles/eyes, but with less modernist brutality and more post-modern playfulness, like what if Newton dropped the apple on Eve's head?

I continue to engage with these stories, because it is not enough to believe that since we call our era, "post-modern," we are all suddenly free of centuries of thinking, believing, acting, loving, hating. The failure to apply theory to our selves, the individual components that create monolithic power structures, is most maddeningly evident in the artworld's ideological stance that claims to embrace, "difference," and "the other," while its very structure is hierarchical, elitist, and defended against uncontrollable subjects (like John Rapko!). It is this hypocrisy, in me as well as our culture, that fuels my ongoing project to turn myself inside out, and it is because I care about this world and want it to work out OK for us that I do this publicly. There are pockets of history in me (in everyone) that inhibit the free flow of vitality. Art, when made and looked at by people of great compassion and great courage, has the ability to empty these pockets and reveal a new way to be, see, feel. Then the pockets are filled up again, but that's the way it goes. There's always something for the next generation to do.

I don't consider myself to be a revolutionary; that is, someone who believes so blindly in her own ideas that she seeks to overthrow the dominators so that "good" (her good) may prevail. Nor do I consider myself to be an iconoclast who believes that "lifting the veil" will reveal God's true face. I'm more of an iconoswitch. I believe in telling stories, playing with identities, rearranging symbols, mixing the simulated with the real. The veil is all we have-it's how we see each other-but once it is shown to be interchangeable, we have seen God's true face.

What saves my art and me from Apollonian, post-modern nihilism, is my natural engagement with strong emotion. Chris Kraus writes, "Accepting contradictions means not believing anymore in the primacy of "true feeling." Everything is true and simultaneously."7 With my wildly fluctuating and disconnected emotional states, I have never believed in the primacy of "true feeling." So, if true belief is based on true feeling (and I suspect it is), I believe that my mercurial nature has deposited me permanently in a position of no position. This is not a dry, nihilistic place. From where I drift, Save the Whales-type positions capsize and I feel myself a whale in need of saving.

While it is emotion that saves me from nihilism, it is probably my nihilism-also known as healthy ironic detachment-that allows me to survive my emotion. While many contemporary artists reflect this detached perspective on the self by forgoing emotion altogether in favor of a depersonalized formal refinement, I try to champion a very human and possibly subversive emotionality. I am afraid that Foucault's portrayal of a populace of efficiently self-controlling subjects carrying out the social project of maintaining ordered power is accurate. Strong emotion unleashes the anarchic power of the Dionysian. Fortunately I'm not completely alone in this opinion. Here is Dodie Bellamy, a New Narrative writer:
"Passion is underrated. I think we should all produce work with the urgency of outsider artists, panting and jerking off to our kinky private obsessions. Sophistication is conformist, deadening. Let's get rid of it."8

What updates my passion from the modernist emotionality of Van Gogh, Artaud and Pollock is my ever-present humor, self-irony, and the sheer range of opposing emotions I cover in a single showing or even a single piece. I make use of simulated emotion-sentiment, melodrama-as an avenue to real feeling. My figures are expressive cartoons; caricatures of feeling that elicit real emotion by catching the viewer off guard, unserious, able to contact a place of innocence in him/herself. I intentionally do not use earnest figuration that would point to a real belief in the importance, permanence, even essential quality of these emotions. No one buys this anymore, including me. The simulated and the real are united in the post-modern consciousness, and the fact that my figures are cartoons and more than cartoons at the same time reflects this. Charlie Brown is only a cartoon, a symbol. He is not drawn so much as stamped. My line, a reification as well as a description of a feeling, is what differentiates my rendering from the Sunday funnies.

If all this deconstructive emotionality sounds like a lot of work, it was. I feel like I've spent the last two years performing surgery on myself, excising cultural forces that played off my deepest desires and fueled my most visceral fears. These operations left me weakened, but freer than I was before. What I will do with this freedom is the next question. I may not even continue making art.
Although I now like to think of the art I made as a map of my escape route, available for others to study, my motivation for making that art was very much about being seen, being heard, being noticed, being applauded (a great lesson in how following your most juvenile instincts frees you from them.) If the true artist is the one who goes on talking after her own need to be heard has been transcended, I guess now we'll see if I'm a "true artist."

An artist named John Keith Kessel wrote these instructions for How to be an Artist: 1) Don't define art. 2) Don't define yourself. 3) Keep busy.9 Over the next couple years and beyond, I plan to keep busy. One project that might keep me busy is the creation of a website to which viewers will be directed by advertisements applied to empty space I purchase on panhandler's cardboard signs. (Think, the outsider's version of the Chuck Close/Kiki Smith--Gap partnership.) I'm considering giving the panhandlers five minutes of fame to say whatever it is they'd like to say in short videos on the website. That is, give them a chance to put their boom boxes on the trail. I'd like to put my art on the site as well and available for purchase through Paypal, asking for a handout like the panhandler on the street. I'm not sure how to conceptually link their videos and my art for sale, but I'm not interested in giving the underrepresented a voice unless I get to be one of the underrepresented, too. If done on a large enough scale (lots of panhandlers in the major cities) the project could spark a pretty lively conversation involving issues of exploitation, commodification, visibility/invisibility, insider/outsider status as related to the flow of capital and cultural production, the place of the individual's story within the cultural narrative, and probably some ideas I haven't considered.

My recent departure into painting on the wood panels may have been an exercise in self-torture, but the one so-so painting I managed to squeeze out points to a long-lost tenderness that didn't survive my adolescence and early adulthood. Carl Jung spoke to this rebalancing I am experiencing: "Where love rules, there is no will to power; and where power predominates, there love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other." If/when I make some art, I imagine my reawakened open-heartedness will be reflected in the work. The proof, though, will be in the pudding.

My biggest challenge, I think, is to balance my binoculars so as not to remain looking through one end for so long that I lose a balanced perspective. Too much through the distancing lens and I want to become that comet, falling and burning. Too much through the magnification lens and the world becomes so dense with meaning that a terrible isolation overtakes me. The loneliness of spending time alone is fine. The loneliness of realizing that no one sees the world the way you do is a bit harder to take.

My other biggest challenge, then, is to find others who see the world like I do. My art exists on many edges: too punk to be formalist, too intellectual to be underground, and too…something-naive? childlike? genuine?-to fit with cousins like punk, feminist artists such as the ones associated with the New Narrative movement. This hard-to-define quality is what I suspect sets me apart from much contemporary cultural production. Tav Falco, a Southern musician of the late punk era, touches on what I mean when he talks about a quality that distinguishes the expression of marginal Southern bluesmen:

"Whereas the awareness of Bataille, Genet, and Artaud was self-conscious, erudite, spewing, disassociated, psychoanalytic, subversive-involving a perception of the so-called natural order of things from an inverted, convoluted and irrationally angular view, …the rants…and the nature of most of these Southern musicians and bluesmen was essentially agrarian. As… much as their tolerances warped once transplanted to the cities, whatever complexities, anxieties, and uncertainties they underwent, they all possessed a thread to an inner peace, an inner clear spot or memory of it; a pastoral, numinous, beatific oneness that infused the lives of those who lived or had once lived in the country. The poetry they created, however dark or haunted, was always composed as a measure of their inherent connection to universal mysteries, but expressed in compelling everyday barnyard terms and metaphors."
10

My childhood and adolescence in the woods binds me to a perspective that prevents me from situating myself comfortably among the liberal elite or the urban underground. I feel physically displaced, and I am always on the verge of moving back to country to become a farmer. It's interesting that this alienating and painful split in me mirrors the sociological urban-rural split in our country. So, as an artist reflecting my times, I'm probably right where I should be.

Notes

1. Rebekah Rutkoff, "Studio: Transcript of an Un-made Video," Animal Shelter: Sex, Art, Literature 1 (Fall 2008): 133.
2. Transcribed from the film, "Artaud: My Life and Times with Antonin Artaud," directed by Gérard Mordillat, 1995.
3. William T. Wiley, http://www.williamtwiley.com/words_by_me.html
4. Gilles Deleuze and Felix Guattari, Anti Oedipus: Capitalism and Schizophrenia preface by Michel Foucault (Minneapolis, MN: University of Minnesota Press, 1983), xiii.
5. Chris Kraus, I Love Dick (Los Angeles, CA: Semiotext(e), 2006), 211.
6. Ibid., 210
7. Ibid., 87
8. Dodie Bellamy, Barf Manifesto (Ugly Duckling Presse, 2008), 18.
9. From a conversation with the author with Bob Comings, 2001. More information about John Keith Kessel available at http://www.spyrock.com/nadafarm/html/jkk-main.html
10. Erik Morse, "Tav Falco by Eric Morse," Bomb Magazine 103 (Spring 2008): 84.

 

How to Start Your Own Cult

 

If you're feeling lonely and like you don't know what to do with yourself, you might want to consider starting a cult. I'm working on one myself. It's not that hard. You just need a few key elements: literature that's catchy and easy to distribute, simple iconography, and some monumental objects or places to awe and inspire. A theatrical bent helps, too.
You also need a cult leader with a magnetic personality. To be a believable cult leader and to achieve a magnetic personality, you need to have gone through some shit. You need to have suffered. Look at Jesus. His forty days and forty nights in the desert were no picnic but they were really important for his cult credibility. He also learned a lot out in the desert. Now I'm not saying I'm like Jesus. Please. Don't get me wrong. He looked like such a hippie. That's not me at all.
I'm not angling to be a worshipped cult leader. If I wanted just a bunch of followers and fans I would have been a movie star. I had offers. No, the whole point of my cult is to save everyone who joins (including myself) from boredom and loneliness.
Here's a list of some possible reasons why I wanted to start a cult and why I think I can be good at it:
1. I grew up in social isolation in the woods with a loving, but somewhat emotionally brutish immediate family, thus allowing me to develop a deep personal relationship to nature and the void.
2. I hate to be alone.
3. I put in my forty days and forty nights, which was necessary if I want my cult to be interesting and I do.
My time in the desert went on a bit long. For ten years, in between long, boring conversations with Satan, I wrote and drew and painted, dredging up images from the unconscious says Freud, the collective unconscious says Jung, the pregnant void says Fred Martin, the Unmanifested say others, the whatever says me. Eventually I realized that determining who I was by "understanding" my artwork would only tell me about who the interpreter was at that particular moment of interpretation. The work itself points to nothing solid. (Post-structuralist thinkers would back me up on this. Thanks. Want to join my cult?) I saw that chasing after a "true" self or anything "true" is like a puppy chasing its tail (or an ouroboros if you want to dignify it.)
All that is to say that now I'm very adaptable and lively and up for anything which makes me a good cult leader. I realized I wanted to start my own cult when I saw the artwork of Simon Evans (a winner of the 2004 SECA award.) Here was someone who I thought must think/feel/be like me. I wanted to be next to him. I sent him a letter with a funny picture and he never wrote back, so I thought to myself, "Fuck that guy," and I wrote my seminal work, Surveys and Questionnaires, which begs the world to know me and talk to me and laugh with me.
Surveys and Questionnaires fits the bill for good cult literature. It's easy to duplicate so I can reach a lot of people. I just go to Kinkos and if I go on Sundays, a nice man gives me free cardstock because he joined my cult.) It's easy to distribute I hand it to people. It makes people laugh, which is a great hook.
After I unleashed Surveys and Questionnaires on the world, people total strangers wrote to me with their own surveys and questions for me! Many people joined my cult and are still joining as we speak. One person, picking up on my recurrent references to bicycle helmets and the void, wrote in with the question, "Briefly describe the relationship between bicycle helmets and the void." I sent back my response: "They are both empty until you put your head in them." That person is now part of my cult and comes to my house and takes 3-D viewfinder pictures of me doing acrobatics. That's a success story.
The point of Surveys and Questionnaires is to talk a lot about nothing in order to feel good, because it doesn't matter what you're talking about as long as you have people to talk to who talk about nothing in the same way you do. People really like that. The success of Seinfeld supports this. The art world supports this, too. Here's Jerry Saltz in the Village Voice:
As messy and embarrassing as it is to admit, these days lots of people get a bigger Sublime jolt from having a cup of coffee with a friend than from standing on the rim of the Grand Canyon. That doesn't mean that we're God or that nature is dead, only that a certain elementary frisson is being generated from being around one another. (Saltz, 2006)

You might presume that I'm talking about a "receptive community" when I talk about the people who talk about nothing in the same way you do. That's right. "Receptive community" is another way to say "easily recruited members." In my case, we generally see ourselves as outsiders, unable to place ourselves in any particular subculture and certainly not in mainstream culture. We know all about Basho's lightness, "…the quality that detaches a man from worldly concerns while he is immersed in the mire, and…is precisely what makes humor possible." (Ueda, 116). We have arrived at this quality not out of some New Age piety nor out of the usual lame, post-modern ironic hipster pose, but out of pure inner necessity. Believe me, given a chance we all would've chosen fabulousness over humility. We're humble but we are not earnest. Earnestness is not lightness. Had we been earnest, we would've either killed ourselves or gotten religion (or joined a cult, but not mine.)
We might relate to Basho, but we can't use the word "spiritual" without putting quotes around it or without saying something like "all that spiritual crap," because we know that the way those words are usually used is not the way we mean them. We speak to each other in crass, loose, inexact, silly, or nonsensical and absurd language, because we know that often what we mean to say can't be said except in laughter, sighs, and sometimes art.
This is an unrefined art, an art that Claus Oldenburg says, "embroils itself with the everyday crap & still comes out on top…" (Oldenburg, 12). It's adult art that looks like kid art. Like Looney Tunes. We love smart comics. We like Harvey Pekar's plain speaking appreciation for the mundane, R. Crumb for his alienation and transgressive desires, and Lynda Barry who enacts Donald Kuspit's version of humor in her "perverse praise for the world's foolishness." (Kuspit, 65) We are sophisticated enough to no longer be enamored of sophistication. We see the beauty of Basho's lightness in naïveté, simplicity, the shallow. (Ueda, 114)
After I recruited a few of these Basho types with Surveys and Questionnaires, I realized I was onto something with the books.
I was not the first to figure this out. I have two words for you: Illuminated Manuscripts. They really knew what they were doing when they were trying to get Christianity off the ground. Despite the plus or minus 1000 years between us, my comics have more in common with Illuminated Manuscripts than they do with contemporary comic books. Rather than creating a self-contained narrative, I am speaking directly to the reader about the state of his soul. We both use simplified, abstracted figures standing around in symbolic space to make a "strong and direct appeal to the spectator." (Kitzinger, 22-24). The appeal made in the Middle Ages was to get with the program and get your soul saved. The appeal made in my I'm Trying comics is to witness the ups and downs of the seeker's journey. Since belief and truth have been thoroughly deconstructed, the program now is a little more open-ended than Jesus's. My gospel is the story of a seeker who knows there's nothing to find and can only laugh at herself for continuing to seek. This approach is, I think, more current. Donald Kuspit again:
Post-modern wit has no belief system, but shows the interplay of belief and unbelief…We are a sum of anxious dialectical relationships, with ourselves and with others, that add up to new whole. Post-Modernist wit articulates this peculiarly farcical self. (Kuspit, 68).

If, for one second, my literature makes you find futility hilarious, you have been saved. This will make you a more lively, fun person and a great addition to my cult. Or you'll just have a laugh and then forget about it and go back to your boring life and here I am in mine.
While it employs the interpretive function of the brain, humor ultimately acts on the body. When you crack up you are momentarily cut loose from cultural conditioning which is often what keeps people from being great cult members. But what if you just don't get my jokes? A cult consists of people who are like you and people you have to make like you. You must convert the skeptics. If you can't get into their bodies through the brain, you have to find a more direct route. This is where we get to the role of monumental objects and/or places meant to awe and inspire. If you're into the sublime like I am, they are meant to freak people out a little, too. I love the sublime and I want to see the glint of recognition of the sublime in everyone else's eyes. Sometimes you have to put it there.
First of all, who are we dealing with? The skeptical are a varied bunch. In Art and Existentialism, Arthur B. Fallico writes about the "Institutionalized Man…who buys seasonal tickets to the concert, but does not appreciate the beauty of his wife's speaking-voice…" (Fallico, 111). Then we've got Arthur Danto's "Testadura" who likes monster trucks. (Ross, 473). The skeptical and you do not share the same interests or cultural references. Maybe some of the skeptical don't even speak English, and that's all you speak. Don't worry, all is not lost.
Ask yourself what do you and the boring-seeming, ex-frat boy business guy have in common? Or even more of a stretch, what do you and some 70 year-old jljljjfldjikjlkl tribal elder have in common? The answer is you're all probably between five and six and half feet tall. With these hard cases, you have to skip over language, thought, and ideas. You have to bypass identity, and grab them not by the lapels or by the bone through the nose, but by that space inside their chests that flutters when they're excited and scared. You have to provoke in them Kant's description of the sublime: "…the feeling of a momentary checking of the vital powers and a consequent stronger outflow of them." (Ross, 114). This is a bodily sensation.
If your target's brain is dulled by a dumb job, or watching too much sports, or if he has no idea what your talking about because he doesn't speak English, all your wit will be lost on him. Don't hand him a book. Put him in front of something big.
Take note, though: it must be just the right amount of bigness. According to Derrida:
Things must come to a relationship of body to body: the 'sublime' body (the one that provokes the feeling of the sublime) must be far enough away for the maximum size to appear and remain sensible, but close enough to be seen and 'comprehended,' not to lose itself in the mathematical indefinite. (Ross, 420).

A more concrete cue comes from, say, Stonehenge.
I intuitively took this size issue into account when I made my paper cut-out wall installations. I knew how high I would need to look up to get the feeling of excitement I wanted to get. Everyone knows how it feels to crane their heads back and look up. Do it right now. What happens in your chest? You feel it expand. You feel energy move up. If you don't, you're a hard case and you might just need to be smacked around. Looking at the grand canyon is not as exciting as looking at a big tree, or as Jerry Saltz noticed, sitting next to body. You get lost in the grand canyon. You get a bigger version of you mirrored in a big tree. You get a different version of you mirrored in your friend/fellow cult member. My Christmas tree cut-out is not as universal as Stonehenge. Part of its meaning would be lost on the jfdkjfkdfhdfjdfkldf tribal elder since he doesn't know about Christmas and having to buy people presents on demand. But it might freak out the ex-frat boy for long enough to make him interesting for a split second in which case I'd love to have him join my cult.
Someday I want to make something that would make even the dlkjfkhjkdjfkl tribal elder cry out for his jfkjdfkfd.
I want to make something like Niki de St. Phalle's Tarot Garden but more like Gaudi's Parque Guell. The Tarot Garden and, maybe even more so, the riotous cityscapes of Red Grooms evoke joy and wonder through scale and, in Groom's case, excess. These are both great methods for converting the skeptical. But someone in a fit of joy or Dionysian fervor is not necessarily the kind of person I want in my cult. I imagine him wearing tie-dye and a colored wig and jumping around in my face in overly exuberant manner. I'm more interested in a sublime reaction. Gaudi evokes the sublime. If Red Grooms's exuberance and St. Phalle's worlds of wonder are decadent deserts, then Gaudi is the meat on the turkey leg with the cartilaginous tube running through it. The sublime is flavored with at little taste of the abject. Gaudi is tendons and ligaments and jutting bones while the Tarot Garden is a high quality birthday cake.
You've got to have a little taste of death/decay/disgust to flavor your ecstasy if you want it to have any aftertaste. If you want loyal cult members, they must always have a little taste of you/themselves in their mouths. They must be disturbed enough to reflect back to you across the table some of the freakiness you already feel. We can throw confetti and get wild and forget ourselves, but it's the sublime that makes us want to find someone to cling to. And that's what my cult is about: finding people to cling to who are clinging back with the same thrill and fear.
However, abjection, when not served properly on some kind of plate, doesn't give you the sublime. It gives you Kiki Smith. "A dog is howling for his mate/Piteously." This is the punchline of a Haiki that Basho panned for being "too abundant in personal sentiments." (Ueda, 102). If Kiki Smith wrote haikus, she might write that one. She could learn something from Basho about creating an "impersonal atmosphere" to dissolve some personal emotion. (Ueda, 101). Or from Kara Walker whose abjection is very skillfully served. Through the use of sophisticated silhouette she manages to mask and depersonalize horror long enough to get you to swallow it into your body before your brain can realize what just happened. I find this very scary, which means I like it.
I've observed both Smith's and Walker's cults, but I have a different vision. I, like Claes Oldenburg with his soft sculptures, serve up my abjection with a wit that Kuspit relates to an infantile clumsiness. (Kuspit, 65). Call it an oops, I just tripped over a corpse slapstick routine. I present a goofy, googly drawing of myself with a sword or snake jammed down my throat, exiting out whichever hole it's exiting out of or drilling its own hole out and I'm twice as tall as anyone else in the room. I appear to be skipping, or trotting. Or stumbling? In a band-aid-colored body cut-out, a window in the leg opens up like an advent calendar to reveal a horrible idea. My Fountain is a fleshy head puking out a jouissance-evoking spew of 500 red bikinis without bodies. They fly up over your head so that you must look back as far as you can to see them all, and then you find there are bodies (or traces of bodies) above you on the ceiling and if space and time hadn't frozen the scene, empty bodies might have rained down on your head.
My abjection is saved from melodrama by Basho's lightness, not because I'm trying to temper the horror to make people want to look at it or because I myself can't "take it," but because horror lightens in communication. When I'm alone, these same feelings are sickening and immobilizing. In the process of communicating them, they become almost funny. This is why it's really healthy to start or join a cult.
It's great to have an audience, but it's even greater to make something that draws an audience that you can then go sit with. I wonder if Jesus was awed by his own miracles. I'm not really capable of walking on water, but I seem to be able to hold my own in front of a crowd. Cult leaders get bored though, when all the pressure to perform is on them. You need get the people involved, and changing how their bodies feel is what involvement and good theatrics are all about. You need to transport them into a different internal space. Making them look up works really well. So does making them laugh or interact with the show by following arrows (my Real Me installation) or opening doors (my advent calendar body). Bright colors don't hurt, either. The circus people know all about that. I aspire to creating theatrics that make you feel like you're at the circus and Jesus is doing a trick.
I've noticed that people don't seem to have a lot to say in the presence of my cut-outs. They don't make seem to make people think. That's good. Arthur Fallico's
Institutionalized Man…must talk fast and continuously, in that inner dialogue with oneself that we call thought, so that he can silence whatever original utterance may still burgeon in him…This stultifying feat he is usually best able to accomplish in association with other men, where the others' noises are added to his own to produce a din which makes his waning ability to speak sincerely to himself altogether ineffectual. (Fallico, 112).

This sounds like an art opening.

It's a different scene in a church or cathedral standing in front of a beautifully painted or carved image of Jesus's bleeding, crucified body. People are standing still and quietly with their heads back, in that prized sublime state of awe and creeped-outness. When you and another person start talking from this hushed state, it's usually not boring at all. In fact it's usually fresh and spontaneous and means you've just joined the same cult. I was not the first to figure this stuff out. Artists know what they're doing whether they know it or not.
According to Fallico, this is what they're doing:
The artist more than other men has a strong sense of what we have called the nostos and the pathos of existence. He feels and is impelled more strongly than others by the sense of radical incompleteness of his existence…Aesthetic sensitivity…has basically to do with a profound dissatisfaction with all theoretical and practical resolutions of the problem of existential being, and with a submerged memory of what it is like to be the absolute freedom which stands behind being itself to be that which alone accounts for its very possibility. The artist is the ontological magus of the spontaneous. (Fallico, 109).

This sounds very exciting and heroic, but unless you have some other ontological magi to hang out with it's really just a lot of pressure.
Nevertheless, under this sort of pressure in my decade in the desert I did come up with a pretty comprehensive iconography that's proving very useful now that I'm done with the desert working on gathering my flock. Having ready access to a broad visual vocabulary of symbols makes it fun and easy to communicate to potential cult members without having to use a lot of words. Once people join your cult, they enjoy being "in the know." They recognize icons as you repeat them in new contexts, and suddenly worlds of meaning open up where before everything was just kind of mysterious and chaotic. This is how iconography functioned in the Middle Ages, and it still works today. Granted, the work produced back then was presenting a very cohesive divine plan for the redemption of man. (Kitzinger 103, 104). My cult doesn't go that far, but hopefully we can get with the times and accept that just being in the cult is pretty good.
Some iconography is better than others. To appeal to the broadest range of people and to get at them at the gut level (remember how important this is when dealing with the skeptics), it pays to keep your icons very simple. I'm talking triangles, circles, squares, spirals, and crosses and the various shapes you get when you mix and match. Archetypes are there for a reason. They work! But they are more interesting to me when they are hammered into symbols with a little personality, a little individuality, a little something human, preferably having to do with the body.
Many of my icons come from the bathroom where we are in the closest contact with the more abject aspects of the body: toilets, shower heads, drains, sprays, bottles, mirrors. But then, my mirrors look very much like my wrapped lumps which look very much like my lone stones which look very much like my bird cages which look very much like my combination lock tops which look very much like my hanging light bulbs which look very much like Philip Guston's hanging light bulbs which look very much like his hooded heads which look very much his shoe soles, all of which look very much like the arch which looks just like a square with a circle on top. We all shop in the same place. We should all join the same cult.
However, I do use one very complicated shape: the contorted sink with its inhibited flow. Philip Guston bundles up complicated stacks of wormy legs not fit for walking. Icons situate us safely in the symbolic realm. Reminders of the corporeal realm that make your actual skin crawl take you to an edge. In her essay on abjection, Powers of Horror, Julia Kristeva writes, "These body fluids, this defilement, this shit are what life withstands, hardly and with difficulty, on the part of death. There, I am at the border of my condition as a living being." (Kristeva, 3). Guston walked with me over to that border, and I too see that once you sell all your stuff and close your books what's left is red and black and a fleshy pink. What's left is being and your own flesh and blood. We are both concerned with this stuff that remains after the words are gone. If you look at our pictures and feel the flutter in your chest, you are too. You're in. Maybe it'll be ok.
The best cult recruitment ever happened at a group show in which I participated. A little pre-verbal kid was toddling around babbling nonsense. He stopped in front of my work, pointed up, and said, "gaaaah?!" Everyone clapped and said that's the best critique you'll ever get. To the untrained eye of a psyche untrammeled by questions of existence, my work looked interesting. "Overdetermined enough for a man, but made for a child!" That's a good tagline for my cult.
Here's a good one for the art world: "Anything goes that we say goes!" The "Artworld" as discussed by Arthur Danto is a pretty big cult. (Ross, 470). It bears some resemblance to mine in that many of the objects displayed, bought and sold in the Artworld are related to the objects I make for recruitment purposes. It also counts as its members many of the leaders of cults to which I subscribe. It's like Friendster with a long timeline.
So, while I'm peripherally involved with the Artworld, the things I make are meant to attract people like me and convert people who aren't like me regardless of whether they know anything about the Artworld or not. Obviously an understanding of art theory would not be necessary to appreciate my work. If it were, I would be very upset since I'd be excluding right off the bat some of the most interesting potential members like that little kid a few paragraphs back. However, theory could be discussed in relation to my work (I think it's just been done), and the experience of receiving my work could be an intellectual one if you wanted it to be. But, hopefully that would be after the initial bodily reaction wore off or after you were done laughing.
Danto talks about the difference between Brillo boxes stacked up in a gallery and Brillo boxes stacked up in a store stockroom. (Ross, 478). If the stock boy stacked them up especially high in the shape of a giant cock and balls just so that he could call his buddy back and they could maybe do some whippets out of the whipped cream cans and marvel at what he made and laugh about what the boss would think, I would totally pick his cult over the Artworld.
I hope I've given you enough information to get you started on starting your own cult (and gotten you interested in mine!) If you don't think you have the kind of cult leader magnetic personality I talked about earlier, do not let that stop you. People will project all kinds of interesting things onto you if you make catchy literature and some crazy-looking monuments. Let the press or your friends create the theatrics. (And guess what there are people out there who are just going to be annoyed by spectacle. So if you're boring, that's ok. Just be completely boring in the way that only you are boring, and I bet even I would be interested.) Just do your thing and I'll do mine and we'll check in later. Maybe invite Jesus over.


References

Fallico, A. B. (1962) Art & Existentialism. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall.
Kitzinger, E. (1990) Early Medieval Art. Indianapolis, IN: Indiana University Press
Kristeva, J. (1982) Powers of Horror: An Essay on Abjection. New York: Colombia University Press.
Kuspit, D. Tart wit, wise humor. In A&C5501.A1 Philosophy of Art Reader. JFK University, Fall 2006.
Oldenburg, C. As cited in Abject Art: Repulsion and Desire in American Art. (1993). Whitney Museum of American Art.
Ross, S.D. (1994) Art and its Significance: An Anthology of Aesthetic Theory, 3rd ed. New York: State University of New York Press.
Saltz, J. The sublime is us: the terror, the delight, and the unfathomable feelings of being alive. Village Voice, June 29th, 2006.
Ueda, M. Basho on the art of the haiku: impersonality in poetry. In A&C5501.A1 Philosophy of Art Reader. JFK University, Fall 2006.

 

Salvation: It Ain't Always Pretty


 

My artwork is always crossing paths with Medieval art. We, the Medievals and I, are not too sure about this earthly realm and this human body. There's a plague going around. Bodies are developing disgusting boils and open sores or being maimed by various horrible tortures devised by Grand Inquisitors. The guys in charge are ruthless brutes. This all seems way too uncomfortable. There's got to be a better way. The all-powerful Catholic Church showed them a better way: devote yourself to God (by way of the Church), and once you get into heaven you'll be relieved of this corporeal torment. They fell for it. And why not? Where else would you look for transcendence but on the walls of your cell?

When I look around the walls of my cell, I see that what my culture offers as the better way is the notion of the perfectibility of the self. Through self-improvement, self-control, achievement, or through looking really good we can construct idealized images of ourselves and put our profiles up on MySpace, where we can get lots of corroboration that we not only exist, but we exist in exactly the way we meant to exist. We are beheld, not by God, but by our public. Replace Hollywood with Mount Olympus and we might as well be the Classical Greeks with their faith in the ideal and the possibility of reaching it through heroic acts or uncommon physical beauty. Well, I'm sick of heroics. They're tiring and isolating.

I want something more accessible, more real, more humble, more human. So, I'm looking outside my cell into my little shaving mirror that I've got angled out between the bars, trying to catch reflections of the other ugly mugs on my cell block. I'm interested in a person who's a little broken down. People in the Middle Ages were a little broken down and the art from that period reflects the darker, desperate aspect of the human drama. Society might be in better shape now, but I still see refractions of Jesus' agony in myself and anyone around me who is having a really rough day.

It was a rough day for "Christ in Sorrow," a homely wooden figure on display at the Legion of Honor, carved in 1460 by some unknown Franco-Flemish artisan. Although he is technically a Renaissance man, this Jesus looks older and characterizes the qualities of Medieval art that I like and see cropping up in my own work: First, like my drawing, the figure is mostly iconographic but with a touch of naturalism. Second, his psychic suffering is expressed in his physical body-he looks like shit. When I feel like shit, I feel like shit through and through and I make myself ugly on paper. I've got a whole series of Dorian Grey-like self portraits. Finally, this Christ statue had a function; he was a devotional object created to embody the spirit of the Savior. My latest project, a life-sized man sculpture, has exactly the same function.

By the time this Christ figure was carved in the Late Gothic/Early Renaissance period, the purely iconographic, Romanesque style had given way to more naturalistic rendering, revealing increasingly less distrust in the material world. This carving, however, with his disproportionate limbs, stiff posture, and oversimplified anatomy seems be older than his 1460 birth date; until you look at his face, which is rendered with much more humanity than the expressionless doll faces of the Byzantine period. He bridges the gap between the mimetic and the symbolic, uniting emotion and concept in one form. This is the balance I find in my own imagery when I feel my work is successful-somewhere between Charlie Brown and the Mona Lisa (maybe a little closer to Charlie Brown.)

The word "grief" or a circle with two dots for eyes and an upside-down rainbow for a frown communicate the idea of suffering, but you can't know feeling with your mind. A three-dimensional, life-like visage with down-turned eyes and the texture of carved skin punctured by thorns makes you know pain with your body. Notice how, when one person forgets himself long enough to listen to another, his facial muscles lightly follow the expressions of the other. By embodying the emotions we witness in another, we experience true empathy. This is a physiological fact. Engaging the muscles used to smile releases dopamine in the brain. (I learned this cognitive-behavioral therapy.)

Then why not strive for the most naturalistic rendering possible? Why am I so captivated by half-human, half-iconic faces? Because the symbol leaves the door open to universality.

In my drawings I caricature angst but add enough specific features to look like a real individual. I include some tormenting cartoon snakes and some hysterical text and then model the forms with ugly, fed-up looking lines. By merging naturalistic with iconographic representation, emotion becomes personalized and universalized at the same time. When feeling is simultaneously internalized and externalized, what happens to the line between you and the other, between you and the world? I think it might disappear for a second and that's the whole point of religion and art (besides making money for some rich guys). Art that works on the heart and the mind finds its way into the soul.

Leonard Cohen quotes Janis Joplin who was feeling "oppressed by the visions of beauty" in the Chelsea Hotel. He sings: "You fixed yourself and said well, nevermind, we are ugly, but we have the music." I place this Christ (and myself when I'm feeling broken down) in this humble category of those who, despite their homeliness, at least have the music. We dignify ugliness by bearing it and baring it.

Compared to glorious Christ figures of the Early Renaissance period, this Christ embodies a more human, less celestial position. His lines of energy are not directed heavenward, but earthward. Not only has he not risen, he doesn't even seem to be thinking about rising, and there is a great heroism in his humility. He is sitting, his gaze is cast downward. He's sad about his pain, almost numb with it, but he's not ashamed of it and he's not in opposition to it. In fact, his hands are relaxed inside a knot of ropes and he offers them out from his body as if to say simply, "I too, am bound."

My work touches on similar themes of suffering, surrender, and connection expressed in the abjection of my figures, although I handle my bondage with less grace. (Fig. 2) In fact, since I'm not about to be united with the Heavenly Father, I'm actually a little disgruntled about the ropes. So, in an effort to make my own stand-in for the Great Redeemer, I fashioned my own holy relic.

Holy relics were big in the Middle Ages. The Holy Roman Empire wanted to get people emotionally involved in the stories of Christ as interpreted by the Catholic Church. By the 1400s spiritual practice was less about getting the story straight and more about getting hysterically and emotionally involved in the drama of Christ's birth and death. The stiff comic book figures meant to instruct illiterate people morphed into life-sized, life-like wood carvings. These devotional objects, kept in churches, private chapels and people's homes, were intended to act as doubles for the real Madonna and Christ and their entourage. People knelt in front of them, kissed them, caressed them, murmured prayers to them and got themselves all worked up into a religious fervor.

Wood was the material of choice for these objects because it was good for carving lots of ornament and pierced work (like the woven crown of thorns). Lighter than stone or marble, wood was easy to transport which was necessary since these wood carvings were in great demand all over Europe. Wood also burned really well and many of these religious objects were easily dispatched in the fires of the Protestant Reformation.

After I made my big red man, a six foot tall figure constructed of wrapped fabric and twine, I understood why the holy relics and devotional objects were such a big deal. Life-sized, three-dimensional human forms have a powerful presence. Christ in Sorrow and my red man inhabit the same space and roughly the same amount of space as the viewer. Even without looking exactly like us, they are able to project a humanness that small or two-dimensional works don't have.

In contrast to his body, which looks like a worn-out sock monkey, Christ in Sorrow's face is sensitively carved, the features expressive of dumb sorrow: sagging cheeks, half-open mouth, downcast, stunned-looking eyes. The carver even threw in a few prison tears in case you thought Christ was just spacing out. A few details on a human figure this size are all we need to believe it might have some life in it.

Areas of more refinement and detail direct our experience of the piece. The hair, the crown of thorns and the twisted length of rope that binds the hands were all carefully attended to. Not only did they receive the same level of refinement but they are all made up of spirals and sinuous curves, as if they all emerged from the same energetic make up. Christ's personhood (the head and face), his action in the world (his hands), his humiliation (the crown of thorns), and his bondage (the ropes) are all in formal harmony, creating a sense of psychological harmony with the whole messed up situation. There is no conflict between his personality and his suffering.

If I apply this method of reading to my man, I can assume that his energetic landmarks are his hands and his genitals-his points of contact. His hands are big and real-looking and covered in gold. His genitals are just big and they stick out. The rest of him, like the Christ figure, is pretty simplified. Except for two shards of mirrored glass embedded in his wrappings where eyes would be, he has no facial features. So, not only is he no one, but he is forced to be whoever stands in front of him. He, too, has ropes tied to his hands, but his hands are not bound together-the ropes are meant to bind me to him, or me to me, or him to me. I suppose he is a holy relic of the self.

I imagine the carver working on Christ in Sorrow developed some kind of relationship to his Jesus. Working slowly over time, whether with an additive technique like wrapping fabric strips or a subtractive technique like carving wood, requires the artist to spend a lot of time in intimate, sensual contact with the work. I know that Christ's carver must have felt a little thrill when he was working on the hands. I know this because I experienced it when I held my man's hands in mine, and I know that when I was wrapping and tying his nether regions I felt a little shy. I know that as I wedged my wet red paintbrush into all his folds, I felt like I was washing him. I would not feel this way had I been making a big eggbeater or some other inanimate object.

Holy relics often contained (or were purported to contain) actual pieces of Jesus' or whatever Saint's body, or objects they had touched. My red man relic certainly contains pieces of me. I worked my fingers raw tying him up, so I know he contains my skin cells if not actual drops of blood. He is stuffed with life preserver foam extracted from life vests I sacrificed for him, which amplifies his function as a savior. He certainly contains my money. I gilded the palms of his hands with real gold. He's completely customized for me; the space I made between his open arms fits me perfectly, the twine I use to hug him and make him hug me is cut to fit my arm span.

I am not a big believer in the supernatural, but I feel weird around him, and I'm not the only one. Not wanting to be possessive I offered him to another girl to try him out. At the first sensation of his hands closing in on her back, she jumped out of his embrace and warned me that it's not right for him to hold anyone but me. She was really shaken up.

He is now propped up against the wall in my studio. When I hug him and stare into my own eyes and feel his hands on my back and his bulk against my front, I feel an ersatz wholeness-he's better than nothing. But I can't attach him to me permanently. It would be very awkward to drive. I made him to supply me with a kind of perpetual comfort that just doesn't exist in an icon or anything else except maybe a very co-dependent relationship. In the end, he took a lot more from me than I got from him: money, time, energy. He disappointed me. I found myself one day standing next to him and hissing into the side of his head, "You fucked me over!" and walking away. That was weird enough, but then I turned around, walked back over to him and apologized. This is the first time I've spoken out loud to a piece of my own artwork. The Protestant Reformers recognized the power of projection and were smart to do away with all those freaky figures. I'll probably follow suit shortly.

Why this Christ in Sorrow managed to survive, we can't know, but I like to think that he wasn't much of a threat because he wasn't that spectacular. As I've said, his body didn't really measure up when lined up against his contemporaries. However, he does contain traces of polychrome which means he did look a little more glam in his heyday.

Until the very end of the Gothic period, by which time carvers had gained more skill, these wood carvings relied heavily on a polychromatic painted finish to spruce up somewhat unfinished looking sculptures. Color, patterning and gold highlights were responsible for creating the desired awe-inspiring effect of a big ornate, sparkly mass of piety and passion.

But, five hundred years later, it's the morning after and Christ's make up has worn off and we can now see how he looks after a rough night. I like him much better this way, because I can see the clumsiness of his maker. Not only is this Christ homely and vulnerable, but his execution is homely and vulnerable which makes me have tender feelings for his anonymous creator and by extension, tender feelings for my own awkwardness of technique and imperfect rendering.

My technique is a little blundering, but in a self-accepting way rather than an embarrassed way. I don't try to hide my inadequacies (in artmaking, that is.) I don't put make-up over bad skin and a crooked nose. My stray marks in my drawings are allowed to remain, or covered up messily with Wite-Out. My lines run off course with confidence and find their way back to their destination in the whole. When I run out of room for a word due to poor planning, I have no problem hyphenating and putting just one remaining letter on the next line. When my art is at its best, my hope and fear for it are left out and it's an unself-conscious expression of what is at the moment of creation.

I see this quality in the carving of Christ. The sculptor was so busy feeling Christ's knees with his chisel and hand that he wasn't too worried that they were starting to look dislocated. He was so eager to get to the rope and hands, he let the arms be floppy tubes created just to get him there. I like these mistakes. They reveal the person in the work. In Greek sculpture, every inch of the body is anatomically correct and proportionally perfect. That's intimidating. That makes me feel like the ugly girl on the beach with a pack of airbrushed celebrities.

It's in our deficits of skill and failures of technique that our humanity is revealed. It's there also in the bags under our eyes from being up all night worrying, or in the lines around our mouths from laughing or gritting our teeth. And it's in these medieval images of Christ in all of his agonized contortions. Because the church owned Christ, the people were led to believe that the Church owned redemption. I wonder if anyone saw, as I do, that redemption can be had the moment we recognize another's suffering as our own, whether it belongs to Christ or the guy in the next cell with his little shaving mirror stuck out through his bars. Yeah, this jail sucks doesn't it?

Having taken a good long look at all this human suffering, I feel I'm due for a little lightness. I can only hope that my own development will follow that of human history, and I'll start looking around at the world, start talking to some new people and have some kind of Renaissance. Any day now.

 

 

 

Andy Warhol Meets Donald Judd Meets the Vacuum

 

If, according to art critic, Peter Schjeldahl, "Minimalism nailed the spiritual vacuum at the core of secular society," pop art showed how a vacuum inhales everything in sight.1 By the late 1960s, Modernism's ceaseless redefining had almost destroyed the authority of "definition" itself. In reaction to this chaos of unfixed meaning rustling underneath the image glut of an expanding media culture, Warhol created a new art of indiscriminate inclusion and the visible, while Donald Judd presented reduced forms that drew attention to the invisible phenomenological experience of the viewer.

The artists' engagement with the ever-widening hole in meaning resulted in its further excavation: by reworking the very structures they were using to communicate--identity and form--pop and minimalist artists began to undermine their own means of communication. Or rather, they turned the conversation toward paradox, which is the only perspective that can survive a vacuum.

Previously, the vacuum had been filled by the abstract expressionist faith in the individual artist's access to a metaphysical realm. Contact with a great work of art (if you were educated enough to understand it) could give you a glimpse of God, too. Both pop art and minimalism questioned identity as a viable structure separate from culture, thus calling into question the artist's ability to represent immutable "truth."

In Warhol's and Judd's work, the artist's identities are pointedly disregarded. Contrasted with the abstract expressionist's individual physical gesture, Warhol uses the remove of mechanical reproduction to make product. His imagery is gleaned not from his private inner experience, but from the public domain. The notion of identity in his subjects is erased as well through repetition, random groupings across his oeuvre, and campy, disconnected color. In a further move toward automated creation, Warhol refused to claim intent, suggesting that his project was simply an extension of media culture's erasure of individual identity through the commodified public image.

Judd also removes his own personality from his work. He does not alter or rework the materials he uses, but allows them to read clearly as supplies from the hardware store. The cubes are placed equidistance from each other as if following an external structural logic rather than an idiosyncratic vision. Basing aesthetic choices on a neutral principle of "one thing after another" as Judd describes it, just as fittingly describes Warhol's grids of repeated Marilyns as well as his entire body of work which consists of one image after another, offering no link between them other than their existence in our field of cultural vision.2

However, the fact remains that Judd did decide to place his boxes in such a way that would look unmanaged by his particular personality, and Warhol did decide to make his choices of subject look unprejudiced. This slippage in meaning and its description reveals how these two artists and their cohorts are identifying the hole by digging themselves into it.

While these two artists brought into question the idea of individual authorship as integral to the creation of meaning in a work of art, an even more radical outcome of their work is, I think, the way in which the link between form and meaning was damaged, if not broken.

By repeating the same image in a piece, by including such disparate images in his whole body of work, and by intentionally treating the forms so sloppily (offset colors, blurring ink), Warhol disconnects meaning from the icon. By forgoing all surface decoration or alteration, and by allowing the actual construction of the work to be the work, Judd removes the form from the meaning, for by declaring his boxes "art" and placing them in a gallery, he asserts that they do mean. In his and many other Minimalist works, there is practically nothing to look at. These objects stacked up in IKEA would mean nothing (or something else), so any illusions that meaning is inherently linked to form are destroyed.

This disidentification between form and meaning, whether through excess or reduction, creates (or reveals) semiotic chaos. However, both methods speak through form, and using form to describe the emptiness of form drops us into that same impossible hole that we can only behold in a state of suspended belief.

The continued interest in these two divergent styles is indicative of, I think, a lack of resolution or desire for resolution to this paradoxical relationship between order and chaos, the sacred and the profane, essence and surface and all the other dualities that lie at the core of the human struggle for meaning.

Peter Schjeldahl posits that "Minimalism ends where it begins, at the edge of a cliff. Any reaction against it can only be a turning-back."3 To go forward, then, is to jump off the cliff. This might entail a radical reassessment of art. It might be a leap into the abyss of non-art by which I'm not referring to more art about the idea of non-art, but real non-art, which, by definition, can not exist. Dada dug itself into this hole and stopped. But what about the mound of dirt sitting there next to the hole? What's that? It's something…

Schejeldahl says, "We may never get past minimalism, in the sense of developing a new big idea of what art can and should do in the world."4 I think that inevitable mound of dirt is the next big idea that art shouldn't have to do anything. It doesn't even have to exist. But it does because we can't seem to stop digging.

I suspect the way forward involves looking into the situation of the lone "spectator" and asking the question, Is the spectator really alone?5 Perhaps the role of art is the same as the role of any other topic/object available for discussion. I submit the wisdom of art writer and critic, Dave Hickey: "I think art is for people who like art, who like to talk about physical things in the world. I don't think there is any difference, say, between talking about the Lakers and talking about Terry Winters… They are both occasions for discourse."6

Maybe art can be a couple of spectators talking in front of a painting or in front of a sunset or a pastel-colored oil refinery or whatever they both like to look at. The authorial agency of the artist is discredited. The authority of the symbol is deconstructed. Why not take the final leap and disregard the authority of art as important, and despite that, in a true embrace of paradox, continue to devote our lives to making it and talking about it? Along with everything else.


Notes

1. Peter Schjeldahl, "Bare Minimal," The New Yorker, 3 May 2004, 109.
2. David Hopkins, After Modern Art 1945-2000 (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2000), 136.
3. Ibid.
4. Ibid.
5. Ibid.
6. Dave Hickey, A Conversation with Dave Hickey, Interview with Sari Carel, Zing Magazine 14, 2000, http://www.zingmagazine.com/zing14/hickey/, 20 October 2007.